Random Shots

Tribe Pride? Got none……….

Today I learned the very sad news that my Alma Mater, the College of William and Mary has officially dropped their highly incendiary mascot. Having changed from the DEEEPLY offensive moniker, Indians in the late 80′s and adopted the far less provocative and richly corporate “Tribe” as the new mascot. As it would have been expensive to dress several hundred mascots in war paint and wampum to create the necessary “tribal effect” for every home football game, administration decided to ditch the idea of a visual mascot representation and simply go with the classy, yet not too intimidating be-feathered W and M:

Though we as an athletic program had gone from threatening a bloody tomohawked death to insinuating devestating tickle tourture to any opponenet who happened to cross our path, we as a school felt that we’d dodged the PC bullet while retaining some of our scholastic and cultural heritage which was 300 years in the making. However, in 2001 the sticklers at the NCAA came after our feathers. After an intense and thurough investigation that took over two years (one for each plume) the NCAA in its wisdom gave the Tribe a stay of execution, mitigating the punishment for our political boorishness to a simple plucking: The Tribe could stay…the feathers are offensive and MUST go. So ta dah our new logo:

Who could be offended by that? (Other than those deeply opposed to subliminal reverse negative anagrams). But nooooo not good enough. Last year our administration in its infinite wisdom after banning a 3 foot bronze cross from a 300 year old chapel on campus and allocating college funds to an art exibit on campus featuring pole dancing, and striptease, among the more MILD aspects of the exhibit, decided that any efforts to hang on to William and Mary’s facination with the subjegation of Native American peoples had to end as it was just too offensive to be a sustainable mascot. In an act tantamount to athletic geonocide the Tribe has been destroyed. Happily the search for a new mascot to bear the great name of the College of William and Mary into the new decade (if it lasts that long) is now in full swing. Now that the Mascot Search Committe has their site open to take online submissions I have submitted my suggestion which I am certain will gain rappid acceptance and will be unassailable (and uncatchable) in regards to its offense of any party. Below is the form and my submission………enjoy.

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1. Your Idea: “The William and Mary Sallies”

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2. Please provide a brief description of your William & Mary mascot idea: A Sally refers to an individual who is unwilling to be courageous and endure any kind of discomfort or inconvenience for the sake of something greater to be gained. Sallies are known for the quickness in flight, lightning reflex of retreat, and colorful backsides which are frequently turned to any foe of either minute or prodigious might.

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3. Why do you think your suggested mascot is ideal for William & Mary?: Since we were unwilling to fight the noxious advance of political correctness and silly minded pointless activism I feel the moniker of Sallies is perfect as it accurately expresses in one vivid picture the image our once proud institution has spent the past decade cultivating for the rest of the nation. From our refusal to stand up to the iron fisted and ham handed NCAA on their ridiculous mascot ruling to our shame before “popular sentiment” in displaying a three foot cross in the highly inappropriate venue of an historic CHAPEL. We have boldly shouted across the fruited plain, “We are William and Mary! Alma mater of a nation! We accept everything…….and stand for nothing! Go Ind…Tri…ummmm GoooOOOOOO Sallies!” See…….Perfect!

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4. What is the connection between the mascot you suggest and the unique history
and traditions of the College of William & Mary?: The connection of the Sally appellation to the proud and storied history and traditions is quite apparent. It takes a true conglomeration of Sallies to so easily abandon such a rich and deeply rooted heritage which for three centuries has produced men and women who have so boldly stood steadfastly on principle, fought the prevailing and transient winds of popular sentiment and through their courage helped to both present and preserve for us what is good about the country and society and even the world in which we now live. If that is not readily apparent then I am prepared to change my mascot submission to “The William and Mary Dunces”.
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5.Please provide a graphic or artistic depiction of your mascot idea:

If You’re Always Jesus, How Long are You a Superstar?

Being a devoted follower of Christ I never thought I’d say that Jesus was past His prime. Afterall He’s got that whole glorified body resurrection ancient of days thing going for Him.

But last night, at a revamped version of Jesus Christ Superstar I must admit that the Lord was showing His age. During the first act I thought Jesus’ voice was a little reedy compared to the stronger voices of the other cast members but come to find out that the brother that was playing the role of Christ, Ted Neely

Young

Old

, actually has been playing that role since 1971 when he starred as Jesus in the major motion picture version. Wowie. Tough market out there for messiahs, guess you don’t want to give a gig like that up without a backup plan.

I must say though that he still had moments when he wailed. One minute he sounded two breaths short of emphysema, the next he’d roll up some sweet Steve Perry esque rock n’ roll scream. Cool, but spooky coming from a 66 year old. Oh, and by the way on the cross: 66 and topless………..nice! I’m half his age and I guarantee you’d not want to see that from me.

Tanana-nana!

So outside of job hunting the most engaging part of my days recently is my role as a fantasy baseball team manager. Kind of GM/bench coach/owner etc. It’s pretty important. Currently in my league, Ripken’s Ghost, I’m sitting at 8th out of 14 teams. It’s early and some of my big sticks have yet to get it going. I feel good about this season.

Realistically the most important part of any fantasy season is the selection of a team name at the outset. If you name the team right the rest is gravy. This year I find myself at the helm of Frank’s Tananas: one of my finest fantasy monikers to date (if I do say so myself). Afterall it was my lucky 1989 Topps Frank Tanana study card that got me through high school spanish class. Frank’s been a faithful friend for years, and I trust he will not let me down now. All we need is for Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and Josh Hamilton to get it going this year and the Tananas will be in business. Look out world, here we come!